The joys of dealing with the Apple store

So I finally got sick of my old laptop not working properly, and as a result, constantly having to leech off of my girlfriend's iMac. I did some research, made up my mind, and headed off to the Apple store in search of a new iMac to call my own. Fresh off the release of the 3Gs iPhone I was expecting some delays, but didn't expect it to be too bad since I didn't need a phone, or activation, or anything else for that matter. I just needed to buy a computer. Boy, was I wrong.

I don't know why they decided to go with the color coded shirt program they chose to designate which employee is capable of helping you with which service, but you'd think that in addition to color combinations some good old fashioned silk screened printing might have been of service, i.e. Concierge or Specialist. The girl I spoke with first might have clued me in on it as well. I told her that I was looking to get an iMac. I asked about the 0% financing. I asked if they had them in stock or if they needed to be shipped. I was asking buying questions... She pointed me to the iMacs on display in case I felt like playing around with one or going online to check out the different models, but I had already done that. I left her and proceeded to a girl in the back that was ringing someone out for their purchase. I waited patiently in line and when the girl asked me how she could help me I told her the same thing I told the last girl - "I'm looking to get an iMac." "I'm sorry, I can't help you with that" she said. "You need a specialist." Ok, well let's go get one. "I'm sorry, all of the specialists are busy right now with appointments. If you'd like to make an appointment and come back later you need to speak with our concierge." She gets on the radio to call over the concierge and lo and behold, the first girl shows up again. I'm pretty sure that she can tell I'm none too pleased to see her again, but it becomes even more apparent when she tells me that I'll probably have to come back tomorrow. All the appointments with the specialists for the night have already been booked. Useful information that may have helped me 5-10 minutes prior, but I wasn't going to settle for that. I explain to both of them that I do not need a specialist. I need to buy a computer, and it's quickly becoming more difficult to purchase than the AK-47 I picked up at a gun show a few years ago. That purchase involved $400, a man, and a quick phone call to see if I had any felonies. That's it. Five minutes tops. But to buy a Mac... no, no, no. You need a specialist to make sure that you're getting the right computer to fit your needs.

I thought back to the last time I was in an Apple store and swore that I'd never return. It was probably around the same time I bought that assault rifle, and now I'm beginning to see why it seemed like such a good idea at the time. I had a 40Gb iPod, second generation I believe, but it was whenever 40Gb was the top of the line and about the size of a deck of cards. You could hear the harddrive spinning when you tried to power it on, and the screen would light up, but it would never fully boot to the menu, and thus never play music. I made an appointment with the Genius Bar, what a load of crap that is, and when I arrive as scheduled for my appointment the girl there tells me that she doesn't know what's wrong with it. "I guess you've got yourself a pretty expensive nitelite now" was her reply to me. Obviously pleased with her attempt at being witty she began to smile, but as I glared at her that smile quickly evaporated. To say I was less than amused was putting it lightly, and after this second attempt at customer service I was sure to never return, but I digress...

As I continued arguing with them, and they began to see my displeasure grow, an appointment magically became available and they told me I'd only have to wait another half hour to see their so called specialist. I debated on going home and just ordering the thing online, but I was already there. I wanted a new computer, and by god, I was leaving with one. I reluctantly accepted and left to go meet my girlfriend for ice cream around the corner. When I returned, my service was much better than before. The guy who helped me apologized for my previous experience and even knew a thing or two about the products he specialized in, but already knowing what I wanted, his pitch was falling on deaf ears. The thing they really try to specialize on is selling you all the extended warranties and extra software. I politely declined all of the above, paid, and eventually left with a new iMac and an extra bit of loathing for the retail industry.


P.S. - Did you know that if you point two iMacs at each other and turn on Photo Booth they can become self aware?